Kicker Of Elves Chooses Robert Pollard’s 50 Best Robert Pollard Songs

Following in the mighty footsteps of my fellow wizard, Chorizo Garbanzo, and his list of dreary Welsh pop songs, it was obvious to me that what the blogosphere really needs now, more than ever, is a guiding hand through the daunting back catalogue of prolificacy’s own Robert Ellsworth Pollard, Jr.

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Consider this. Since 1999, Robert Pollard has released albums (don’t even get started on EPs or individual tracks on, for example, the three 100 track Suitcase collections) under the following alphabetically ordered guises:

Acid Ranch (3 LPs), Airport 5 (2 LPs), Boston Spaceships (5 LPs), Circus Devils (9 LPs – with 2 more on their way next month), Cosmos (1 LP), Go Back Snowball (1 LP), Hazzard Hotrods (2 LPs), Howling Wolf Orchestra (1 LP), Keene Brothers (1 LP), Lifeguards (2 LPs), Mars Classroom (1 LP), The Moping Swans (1 LP), Nightwalker (1 LP), Phantom Tollbooth (1 LP), Psycho & The Birds (2 LPs), Smegma & Antler (1 LP), Soft Rock Renegades (1 LP), The Takeovers (2 LPs) and Teenage Guitar (1 LP).

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In addition, there has been a wonderful collaboration with Doug Gillard and 22 albums (including two official live releases) as Guided By Voices. However, this still leaves a massive body of work released under his own name.

According to the Guided By Voices Database there have been 23 LPs (including 1 Live LP and 2 sets of demos) plus 4 EPs plus 17 singles released as Robert Pollard, a total of 403 songs.

Now consider this. The Oxford Dictionary definition of the verb ‘to pollard’ is:- to cut off the branches of a tree to encourage the growth of new young branches. In other words, a form of pruning, of reducing mass. So much for nominative determinism, you might think, but in fact there is something interesting going on here. Could a working back through the songs of the past bring more understanding to those of the present? Not a cutting away per se, but a firing away (of crushed empties?) to give more room for the new songs.

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Pollard’s latest collection under his own name, Honey Locust Honky Tonk, comes 17 years after his first, Not In My Airforce. I remember hearing a track from the latter on the late John Peel’s radio show played back to back with one from Tobin Sprout’s ‘Carnival Boy’ (released on the same day) and thinking this is a pretty neat temporary diversion from the real business of Guided By Voices (who were in the middle of a run of fantastic records: Bee Thousand, Alien Lanes, Under The Bushes Under The Stars). Little did I know what my record collection (well, the GBV part of it, anyway) would come to look like.

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Listening to the latest record over the last couple of months not only had me thinking that it would inevitably be in my top 5 records of the year, but also got me wondering how much of an impact the more recent Robert Pollard LPs would make on a list of my favourite songs released under his own name. All but 5 of the Robert Pollard LPs have been released since the original split of Guided By Voices in 2004 and now that the reformed band have seemingly stopped releasing records again, maybe we find ourselves in the third phase of Robert Pollard’s Robert Pollard songs. Not really a rebirth, but maybe a pollarding of creative output.

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Anyway, whether or not any of that makes sense, here is a list of my favourite Robert Pollard songs released as Robert Pollard. Naturally, presented in reverse order, and with my favourite parts of each song highlighted. Of course, the list is subject to change, not only in terms of order, but I am also sure I have left out songs that should have been included (why not let me know in the comments section below). But, still, here goes…

The Countdown

50. Back To The Farm (from the album Superman Was A Rocker) – Pollard stars as country character Hiram Campbell in an opening skit offering to “beat your head in with both my banjos” before the song kicks into a sublime instrumental that is so good it appears twice in this list. Is it only me that was hoping this same character was going to front the rumoured Pollard country album set for release this year? Honey Locust Honky Tonk is many things, but it isn’t that.

49. No Island (The Crawling Distance) – The chord change as the song goes into the refrain gets me every time, along with the resigned acceptance of “well, at least an outpost” 3 minutes in.

48. Faster To Babylon (We All Got Out Of The Army) – “This will not be the title track..” and then the cello comes in and the song builds with glorious background guitar feedback.

47. I Have To Drink (Honey Locust Honky Tonk) – In under a minute, Bob sums up why any of us Have To Drink. “Alright!!!”

46. Fear Of Heat (B-side to Silk Rotor) – What a great guitar sound there is at the start of this throwaway B-side. The feel is maintained through menacing half-whispered vocals and a pounding rhythm “till the prurient love is gone”.

45. Each Is Good In His Own House (Moses On A Snail) – I love the vocal phrasing that starts with “God drives a cadillac” and the “… in his own house.. and garden” twist.

44. On Top Of The Vertigo (We All Got Out Of The Army) – More crunchy guitar at the start of this one. I don’t remember the ‘Zoom Zoom Room’, but I wish I had been there. Exciting stuff.

43. Science Magazine (Mouseman Cloud) – Pollard’s vocals here have an unusual tremor that suggests something major is being divulged… “I chair the regrettable-act sub-committee”. Top play on words with ‘piece/peace’  too.

42. Conspiracy Of Owls (Fiction Man) – Some great Chris Sheehan piano throughout this one and a rhythm that forces the tune into your head and has it remain there for days.

41. Her Eyes Play Tricks On The Camera (Honey Locust Honky Tonk) –  Sounds like a real classic with fantastic vocals right from the off, but especially on the chorus. Got to be from the album of the year, right?

40. Gratification To Concrete (Robert Pollard Is Off To Business) – Oh that wah wah sound and some really powerful drumming. No wonder “she said wow a hundred times”.

39. Penumbra (Coast To Coast Carpet Of Love) – Spooky riff? Check. Silly voice in the middle of the song? Check. Yet another earworm? You bet.

38. Red Rubber Army (Jack Sells The Cow) – Another immediate melody, but it’s the little guitar sounds we first hear 25 seconds in that gets me.

37. Rumbling Joker (Waved Out) – The first song on this list that has Bob on all instruments. At 1’48” the vocals get doubled-up and there is a fantastic crashing guitar (?) sound.

36. Accident Hero (Elephant Jokes) –  Some fairly unhinged vocals feature in this track, which combined with a neat little keyboard riff and whistling (?) makes for a fine minute and a half.

35. Who Buries The Undertaker? (Honey Locust Honky Tonk) – Another stand out track from the latest record. It’s the refrain that makes it for me, especially the way Bob sings “And who marries the cakemaker?”.

34. On Shortwave (The Crawling Distance) – Again a cello sets the tone and Bob’s slowed down phrasing throughout draws you in to a melancholy treat “on short… wave.”

33. Pegasus Glue Factory (Normal Happiness) – Do I hear castanets? Probably not, but there are some interesting background noises here. The solo at 1’55” is particularly neat and takes us to a tremendous coda. Oh, and here we also have the best song title on the list to date I would suggest.

32. In A Circle (Lord Of The Birdcage) – Chorizo Garbanzo reckons this is the best Robert Pollard track. Clearly, he’s not right about that. In fact it’s not even the best song on this album, but it is definitely a great song. The circular guitar riff suits the subject matter and I really like the line “in inconstant reverie/ in make shift comfort suites/ in 9 o’clock meetings…”

31. Weatherman And Skin Goddess (Robert Pollard Is Off To Business) – “Yes, no, baby..” What a great start to a song that is. More great vocals on the repeated lines “keep me crying/trying”. The slowed down section that ends with “answer me now” is also great. I have no idea what the song is about.

30. Miles Under The Skin (Coast To Coast Carpet Of Love) – Another killer riff kicks this song off, but it’s the launch into “baby, it’s a free way/ where nothing can destroy you” at 1’03” that gets the hairs on my neck upright.

29. Feel Not Crushed (Standard Gargoyle Decisions) – A great guitar sound on this track and Bob’s vocals are suitably slightly distorted to particularly great effect when again they double up at 1’33” on the line “… by fathers and mothers or those who hand it down…”

28. Dunce Codex (Lord Of The Birdcage) – Note to Garbanzo – this is the best song from this album. A weird guitar riff under some top notch lead work from Mr Tobias and vocals from Bob that are seemingly constantly on the edge of falling apart. “Please excuse me, I lost my girl and I need to go find her”. Heartbreaking stuff.

27. A Boy In Motion (From A Compound Eye) – Recently included on our monthly playlist, I had previously tended to overlook this song when thinking about the FACE masterpiece. But, it is another fine example of a Pollard earworm with its military beat and the great delivery of the line “it’s been removed”.

26. Conqueror Of The Moon (From A Compound Eye) – Also from FACE, this is Bob at his prog-rock influenced best. In a song with distinct sections – movements (?) – it is the searing guitar that starts at 2’05” that goes into the Hawkwind-esque middle section that I really love.

Well, congratulations if you have read this far. We are now half way in our countdown and time, perhaps, to pause and consider how far we have come etc. and so on. Or maybe just treat yourself to a viewing of this (thanks to Jonathan Casey for filming):

25. Girl Named Captain (Not In My Airforce) – Great drums from Kevin Fennell to start this one and outstanding vocals from Bob throughout with my favourite line closing things off: “I’m not in your dreams / Get out of mine.”

24. Snatch Candy (Kid Marine) – A little gem, this one – great bass sound from Demos and Bob sings fantastically, especially on the line “a carefree world / sugarless”, but the highlight for me is the keyboard that comes in at 1’05” and takes us to the close. Beautiful.

23. The Weekly Crow (Moses On A Snail) – Guitar + cello is a combination that, for me, rarely can be beaten. The dual vocal call-and-response with low Bob and regular Bob also works a treat.

22. Sea Of Dead (Fiction Man) – I love the extended intro on this with its strings and things, but it is Bob’s reverb treated vocal that kicks in with “You think you can run / You think you can hide” that really kills.

21. I Can See (We All Got Out Of The Army) – I love the line “look but don’t think” especially as it leads to the section of the song where Bob unleashes his inner Roger Daltrey from 2’30” on. Some great bizarre lyrics here  too: “baptized removed all the dross round my brain / a ticket so thick it was flies on meringue”, anyone?

20. Pontius Pilate Heart (Jack Sells The Cow) – Another contender for song title of the blog, this song is all about chiming arpeggiated guitar. However, it is the brief solo at 1’12” that sticks out for me. That, and the brief burst of guitar a minute later and then again when the keyboards come in for the last 30 seconds or so. A really uplifting song.

19. Love Your Spaceman (Superman Was A Rocker) – And here we have a reprise of the instrumental part of Back To The Farm. This time with lyrics like “She said the distance between/ Is quite a distance” that lend themselves to a myriad of meanings. My favourite bit though is when Bob gives it loads on the “love your spaceman” bit 1’30” in.

18. Trial Of Affliction And Light Sleeping (Fiction Man) – The hesitant guitar at the start soon makes way for a great sound that runs at pace throughout this little nugget. I love the vocals that start at 0’44” “burn it in theatre / burn it on cable TV” as the guitar goes fucking mental. Makes me want to jump around and shout, which has got to be a good thing, right?

17. Release The Sunbird (Not In My Airforce) – Another masterclass in how to write a melancholic song. The droning keyboard (or is it a guitar?) in the background is the bit that really does it for me – brings tears to my eyes every time I listen. “… time can only free you when she’s gone…”

16. Harrison Adams (Motel Of Fools) – “Go ‘ding!’ and fall over..” A really beautiful song this – I really like the line “give into the umpire / feel his air”, but, of course, it is the killer chorus that really makes it. I also really like the nice bit of feedback that pops in at 3’13”. This song would be higher if the drunken chat at the end weren’t there.

15. Make Use (Waved Out) – This song is mostly about a great guitar riff courtesy of Bob himself, but  Jimmy Mac’s drumming is also superb and  the two mesh together perfectly at around 1’30”. Then there is the fabulous distorted synth that is ‘made use’ of only once at 2’13”. Wow.

14. Circle Saw Boys Club (Silverfish Trivia) – Another beautiful song with killer lines like “where x-men saw no heroes / only firemen crossing swords”. Some fantastically emotional singing from Bob – notably at 1 minute in “god almighty / we saw it coming” and on the final lines “in the circle saw boys club / it is vacant / it is.” It melts me every time.

13. Shadow Port (Standard Gargoyle Decisions) – A great ominously building guitar takes us from “it’s gone to hell / you know that it has” to “see – I remember me / love – I remember her” in a, frankly, creepy way before Bob’s evil alter-ego comes to the fore to deliver the line “slashing like razor / design us like you / chosen escaping of the night / out all over”. This is then upped by the closing repeated line “she has wings / are you watching her?”. A complete horror movie in under 3 minutes.

12. Get Under It (Not In My Airforce) – I really like the vocal sound here with its slight distortion and the fact that Bob delivers some of his more direct lyrics that rank up there with Morrissey for social realism “The dress isn’t flattering you / When you don it like you do / You expect me to approve / but I just won’t.”

11. U.S. Mustard Company (From A Compound Eye) – The arpeggio at the start is great, but it is outdone by the fantastic chorus “contain yourself” with its little piano fills. I also love the line “make yourself feel like it used to be / throw away your charts of progress”, which really appeals to my inner nerd.

So here we are then, about to enter the top ten. But before we do, have a listen to this to see what I mean by ‘little piano fills’.

OK, so now it’s time for the top ten. Hold on to your hats!

10. People Are Leaving (Waved Out) – A song unlike any other in the Pollard canon. A haunting piano leads us into dual vocal lines that, like ‘The Murder Mystery’ by The Velvet Underground, gives the listener a choice of which lyrics to follow. At times these come together in glorious harmony, at others snippets of the lyrics fall out in moments of clarity like “The angels are making circles/ A gift to every naked fat baby” if clarity is the right word.  The result is a moving masterpiece that a number of GBV nuts on the Strong Lions mailing list have nominated as a song to leave this world to (see our funeral podcast for more on this).  Mention should also go to co-writer and multi-instrumentalist, Stephanie Sayers, who appears on just this one Robert Pollard track, but what a track.

9. Love Is Stronger Than Witchcraft (From A Compound Eye) – Again we have a great arpeggiated guitar to start, but it is Bob’s singing that makes this song so great. His delivery is fantastic throughout notably the call-to-arms “damn!” at 1’57” that takes the song into its proggy middle-eight and the partly inaudible exhortations therein. Oh, and the lyrics are fantastic too, not only the positivity of the title itself, but also the opening verse of “What you call this Jesus mind / I can’t focus on it anymore / But I’m doing all the good things you said I should do / To be a damn good model” that speaks to all us fathers out here. Well, this one anyway.

8. I Killed A Man Who Looks Like You (Honey Locust Honky Tonk) – The best song from the best album released this year. I have already talked about this at length on our podcast 13, but let me reiterate. I love the guitars that, with their open chords, seem to fly into the ether. The melody still hasn’t left me since I first heard the song and the lyrics, well, lines like “Sacrificed prodigious son / I innocently drew the gun / To orchestrate no go away / To come too late some other day / And I killed a man who looks like you / I don’t understand the things a man won’t do…” get my imagination racing. Is this, perhaps, the country song that Bob has been rumoured to be making? Well, it sounds like a country fable to me (if not fabled country) and it sure fits a lot into under 2 minutes. I also bet REM are pretty pleased they’ve retired.

7. Their Biggest Win (Fiction Man) – From Bob’s last solo album before the closing of the initial Guided By Voices chapter, and still one of my favourites. This is, in fact, the closing song and yes, it has a great Todd Tobias guitar sound and yes, it has a fantastic racing rhythm, but really it’s all about the chorus “And we say nothing but when we want some / And we do nothing but when we get some” that makes it so good. Then at 2’28” the instrumentation falls back temporarily for that line to really hit home before the psychedelic tour-de-force of a guitar line that blows everything else away for the rest of the song. What a closer! Much like an Aroldis Chapman fastball.

6. The Butler Stands For All Of Us (The Crawling Distance) – A great guitar riff in this one too, but it is the overall feel, a mixture of both sadness and optimism that only Pollard seems to get right, that marks this song out as a classic. I really love the refrain “Arounder and longer and safer and stronger / It pays to know who you are / That’s who you are” without really knowing what it means. The whole song is sung beautifully and also contains the line “Ease off on your querulous sidekicks”, which is sensible advice for anyone, let alone one of three wizards.

5. The Ash Gray Proclamation (Not In My Airforce) – A great loose guitar sound from Bob himself on this classic from his first solo album. It is the way the guitar rhythm and lead meld together in the second, instrumental, half of the song that really makes it for me. Absolutely mesmeric.I also love the opening line: “… the shuttle bus is leaving us / It has collected 50 souls / Who have redefined our roles…” despite, or perhaps because of, again not really knowing what it means or who it refers to.

4. Powerblessings (Kid Marine) – Of course the great thing about Guided By Voices reforming recently was the fact that we got to hear Robert Pollard and Tobin Sprout play and sing together. A magical mix. And here, Tobin brings about 13 seconds of piano to this song at 1’20” that is just right. I really love the keyboard sound that Bob plays on this too and the way it merges with the acoustic guitar at 20 seconds in is just sublime. The lyrics sound like an incantation to me and when I was a primary school teacher, I always thought it was something that should be read at morning assembly. “Powerblessings to you and all of you.”

3. Piss Along You Bird (B-side to Rud Fins) – This is another song that has previously been discussed on this blog – as part of my nominating Bob as the best swearer in rock. However, it is more than just the curious title of the song that sees it at number 3 in my list. I first heard the song as the B-side to the first single released in the one-a-month series of 12 singles in 2007 on the newly established Happy Jack Rock Records label. The A-side was pretty good, but the B-side was fantastic and it took me back to the days when music was much less accessible and when you bought a 7″ single and played it over and over again. This record was on my turntable for weeks, with the flip uppermost. It hooked me from the opening ‘Alright, alright, alright…” and I love the speeding up and slowing down of the song as it builds to reveal the “message to your sender” that arrives at 1’38” “No means no and maybe means no and yes means no”. Damn right. Oh, and “Piss along you bird” is also a fantastic phrase that I spend every working day trying to engineer into conversation, but that might just be me.

2. Psychic Pilot Clocks Out (Not In My Airforce) – 4 minutes of genius. From the opening guitar squalls to the coolest of cool guitar riffs and we’re still less than a minute in. At 1’11” the drums kick in and we’re off with “The sign sheds light on who is lonely / Run and hide / I’m alright”. The guitar comes to the fore again in the instrumental section at 2’03” before more great lyrics “Don’t be defensive / Not with me”. Yet all this is just setting us up for the big pay off at 3’15” when Bob goes into overdrive with, in my opinion, his best phlegm-speckled vocals ever and the clarion call of  “I feel life passing on by us, passing on by us, passing on by us”. Life-affirming stuff.

1. Subspace Biographies (Waved Out) – The best Robert Pollard Robert Pollard song and it’s appropriate that the bulk of the instrumentation is from Bob himself. But first, let’s give credit to the drumming of Jimmy Mac, which gets stronger and stronger as the song reaches its climax, and perhaps more so to the bass lines of John Shough that propel the song along at its irresistable rate. After the delicious intertwinning of bass with Bob’s beautifully picked guitar at the start, it is 25 seconds in when the great keyboard sound that dominates this song is heard ‘bup- bup – bup/ bup- bup- bup/ bup – bup – bup- baa- baa’. A sound that now dominates my dreams. Then the lyrics start with as good an opening line as any Bob has come up with (the start to Pop Zeus being my all time favourite) “Has there been a break today / Stoned comedian Ringo?” At the end of the first verse we hear another brilliant guitar line before that keyboard refrain returns and then the pace quickens and we get the mega chorus “I am quail and quasar / I picked you up on radar / I do my job each day / Empties crushed and fired away”. Phenomenal stuff – quail AND quasar? One would have been enough. And then at 1’38”  there is the none more profound line “There is nothing worse than / An undetermined person”. All of which is worth repeating before unbelievably the pace is ratcheted up even further at 2’14” with an additional feedbacking guitar in the background. And guess what? What? It’s even better live.

So there we have it, These 50 Robert Pollard songs taken from a tiny portion of his back catalogue over the period 1996 – 2013 and as it turns out pretty evenly spread out over the 20 studio albums. These are the number of tracks taken from each:

5: Not In My Airforce

4: Fiction Man, From A Compound Eye, Honey Locust Honky Tonk, Waved Out

3: The Crawling Distance, We All Got Out Of The Army

2: Coast To Coast Carpet Of Love, Jack Sells The Cow, Kid Marine, Lord Of The Birdcage, Moses On A Snail, Robert Pollard Is Off To Business, Standard Gargoyle Decisions, Superman Was A Rocker

1: Elephant Jokes, Motel Of Fools, Mouseman Cloud, Normal Happiness, Silverfish Trivia EP

plus 2 B-sides

Unfortunately, not all these wonderful tracks are available on Spotify (so go out and buy the albums from long, live Rockathon or elsewhere), but here is a taster:

Also, let us know what you think about the list in the comments section below.

If 50 songs aren’t enough for you, here are 50 more.

Popcorn Double Feature – The Godfathers / Dead Kennedys

Welcome to another week.

Here are a couple of snotty-faced attitude-ridden songs to kick your Monday off. Just let us know what the link between them might be,

Live Review: The Mantawrays & The Delmars at The Go Go Cage, Cabin Club, Liverpool

Behind a non-descript doorway in Wood Street, Liverpool lies the city’s oldest club and what a treasure it is. Stubbornly ignoring the fashion for slick refurbishments that make all clubs and bars look like replicas of each other, the club known to locals as The ‘Bin has more character and feeling than most of its identikit rivals put together. If the upstairs booths’ formica tables could talk, what stories they could tell.

It’s not slick and it’s not what most people would call glamorous but it is EXACTLY the kind of place that us Wizards feel right at home. It reminded me very much of a place I spent many Saturday nights in my teenage years, indie / goth / punk / mod club Sister Ray’s in Brighton. To quote Spinal Tap, don’t look for it, it’s not there anymore.

The oldest club in Liverpool

The oldest club in Liverpool

Both venues have (or had) lots of little alcoves, nooks and crannies for surreptitious snogging or speed taking. Both had sticky carpets and some of the punters’ outfits at the gig last night were exactly what the better dressed people wore back in the 80s.

I was there with my fellow Wizard, Kicker of Elves, our gun-toting associate Texas Paul and our 3 Chinese student mates Devon, Jason and Peter (possibly not their real names!)

Devon, Peter & Jason

Gānbēi!

We’d gone along to a club night called The Go Go Cage to see their “September Surf Spectacular.”

First up were The Delmars from Blackpool, which according to Carl the MC is the surfing capital of the north west. The flyer called them “twanging reverb drenched surf instro maestros” and who am I to disagree with that.

According to their website, these guys live all over Europe and don’t play that many gigs. Very surprising to read that because they played a really tight set. Don’t know exactly what they played but I’m going to guess there was probably at least 1 song each by Dick Dale and The Ventures in there somewhere. They definitely played a song called Red Monkey which they said was by The Milkshakes. Kicker tells me that’s one of the “Medway Sound” bands led by the prolific garage genius and tash enthusiast Billy Childish. I reckon anyone who dared to go surfing on the Thames anywhere round the Medway area would probably end up a Dead Monkey.

They had 2 excellent guitarists, one of whom was wearing a beret, a brave fashion choice no matter what decade you’re in, but he was cool enough to get away with it.

Apart from the beret, accessorywise things were very much monopolised by the bass player. His stagewear included a Mardi Gras style mask, a parrot on his shoulder (not a live one) and all the way up top (he was very tall) some feathers. He also had a beard that puts 99% of all other beards to shame. It’s a pity you can’t really see any of that in this really shit photo I took of the top of some peoples heads and the drummer.

The Delmars live at The Go Go Cage, Cabin Club, Liverpool. 7th September 2013.

The Delmars live at The Go Go Cage, Cabin Club, Liverpool. 7th September 2013.

All the band, and in fact most of the crowd, were wearing stylish Hawaiian style shirts. As I stood there listening to this great music with its roots in California half a century ago, in a dingy basement club with an enormous rocking horse in the middle of it, surrounded by people wearing Hawaiian shirts and lei necklaces, a pretty basic but still quite psychedelic light show and with 3 Chinese lads next to me dancing around like crazy, it was sometimes difficult to remember exactly where I was! Like the panicking astronaut from The Fast Show who appears in different scenes saying “What year is this? Who’s the president?” every now and then I found myself saying “Chorizo, you’re in Liverpool and it’s 2013!”

So as mentioned above, the Chinese contingent were loving this. Peter was holding a bottle of beer in each hand and showing off some fancy footwork. In one of the more laidback twangy numbers, Texas Paul was seen to be doing the Shadows walk. And great googly moogly, I even saw Kicker of Elves dancing (if you can call it that!)

I suppose that made up for his lack of effort in the Hawaiian shirt department. The flyer for this gig said there was a prize for the best shirt but the best Kicker could manage was a plain navy blue one with some writing on the back. In fairness, there probably are people who wear shirts like that in Hawaii, the ones who work in petrol stations. As for me, I was wearing a shirt that I bought on my honeymoon in Las Vegas 8 years ago and have only worn about 3 times since because there aren’t many occasions when you can get away with a shirt like that. It’s a lively red number with the pool playing dogs from Arthur Sarnoff‘s classic painting “The Hustler” on it. I don’t know much about art but I know what I like.

The Hustler by Arthur Sarnoff

The Hustler by Arthur Sarnoff

I’ve been trying to find out more about The Delmars so I could put some Youtube / TwitFace links and stuff in here but confusingly it seems that there is a Californian surf band with the same name (albeit with a space between Del and Mars). They were selling a 7″ single at the gig last night but I can’t find a link for it being sold online anywhere. Did find this webpage though, some great stuff to listen to there.

Anyway, on to the second band The Mantawrays, billed on the flyer as “tough pounding surf and frat party stompers”.

Now I have to declare an interest here because one of the bandmembers is my mate. The only time I’ve seen the band before was 10 years ago at my mate Paul’s 30th birthday party in Leytonstone in that there London. The band played a full set of completely instrumental stuff and it knocked my rocking socks off. At the end of the gig, the birthday boy himself came on and sung a couple of Elvis numbers with them, including a particular favourite of mine “Guitar Man.” I also remember that they had a pedal steel onstage which nobody played or even touched.

That party was one of the last social events I went to before I left London to move to the northwest. In the decade since then, Paul has become a fully-fledged member of the band and recently he has also moved up to Liverpool.

The Mantawrays live at The Go Go Cage, Cabin Club, Liverpool. 7th September 2013.

The Mantawrays live at The Go Go Cage, Cabin Club, Liverpool. 7th September 2013.

They kicked things off with a few very lively instrumentals performed in matching red cardies and Buddy Holly specs. This band really kick ass with drummer Stuart leading from the back. He hits em hard and (forgive my lack of technical drumming vocab) plays some killer fills (I think that’s the right word).

But things really went up a notch when Paul got up and sang. They went into “California Sun” originally by The Rivieras, but better known to me because of The Ramones’ version. (as heard on our podcast number 5)

There followed a few rock’n’roll numbers played at 500 miles an hour and all the better for that. Paul really came into his own on these. I’ve known him reasonably well for many years and I’ve never actually hard him sing apart from those 2 Elvis songs at his 30th and a couple of late night drunken acoustic guitar sessions singing Half Man Half Biscuit tunes. I knew he could sing but I had no idea that he could howl, yelp and holler like he did on some of these songs.

The Mantaways live at The Go Go Cage, Cabin Club, Liverpool. 7th September 2013.

The Mantaways live at The Go Go Cage, Cabin Club, Liverpool. 7th September 2013.

One of the best ones was a foul-mouthed ditty called Hardy Sons of Bitches, which featured lyrics about knocking cocks on rocks and fucking bears. Paul told me after the gig that this is a song by The Pioneers. Surely not the same Pioneers who did reggae horse racing classic “Long Shot Kick De Bucket”? [Turns out the song is called ‘The Pioneers’ and it’s by The Phantom Surfers – TTW Ed.]

Incidentally, whenever the subject of bear fucking comes up (which, to be fair, is not that often) then I always think of this Ivor Cutler poem.

Later there were at least 2 Cramps songs which made Texas Paul’s night. Any mention of the Cramps still gives me the heebiejeebies following my experience seeing them live as a teenager (as discussed in podcast number 8) I’m still having nightmares about that Lux Interior guy. In the audience, you never quite knew if he wanted to fuck you or murder you. Probably both and not necessarily in that order!

The Mantawrays live at The Go Go Cage, Cabin Club, Liverpool. 7th September 2013.

The Mantawrays live at The Go Go Cage, Cabin Club, Liverpool. 7th September 2013.

Not content with taking poor quality photos on my phone, I also took some poor quality video which you can see here. Sound quality is appalling but it does give an idea of the atmosphere with everybody dancing and going wild (even me!)

My only negative is a minor one, the sax player was very under-used. Whenever she played it sounded great, but it would’ve been good to hear her on more of the songs.

It was a late one for us middle-aged Wizards but having said that, we stayed till the end which is more than can be said for our Chinese friends. Youngsters today eh.

These days, it’s not often I’m out in Liverpool or any other city centre at 2:30 in the morning and coming out of the Cabin into the heart of the city was another flashback to my teenage days in Brighton. We used to emerge sweaty and red-faced from Sister Ray’s onto the battleground of West Street. Having spent a few hours with a bunch of like-minded people in the safe haven of the club, we were now back in the real world and facing what we used to call the “Kevins and Tracys” (a.k.a. neds, casuals, townies etc). Up above Sister Ray’s was a massive club called The Pink Coconut, a ridiculous name which tells you all you need to know about the club and the people that went there. At 2 a.m both clubs would close and the 2 tribes would go to war in the kebab shops and burger places. We’d laugh at their awful hair and ludicrous clothes and they’d laugh at our awful hair and ludicrous clothes. I didn’t think it was possible but judging by the clothes being worn around Liverpool last night, mainstream fashion has actually got even worse in the last 25 years. Too many pastel colours, too much fake tan and bling. And that’s just the blokes. It made me think of the Dolly Parton line “it costs a lot of money to look this cheap”.

Maybe somebody should tell them to just slap some Brylcreem on their heads and put on a lairy shirt, there’s a party going on behind a little door just round the corner. Surf’s up, motherfuckers!

What Song Should You Play At Your Funeral?

What is a funeral for? Mourning? What is mourning?  Is a funeral a chance for people to simply remember the deceased or is there more to it than that? Perhaps it’s a process of gaining an understanding, not just of the person, but also of the role they played in our lives and a chance for the mourners to come to terms with their loss.  Traditionally, the affair is stark and sombre and people stand stoically through the service or gently weep into their handkerchiefs.  Everyone dressed in black with slow and sad music creating a grave sense of foreboding. But let’s face it, this is the last act of your time on earth, the cherry on the top of your life cake! Do you want your last hurrah to be a wet weekend or do you want your legacy to be a party so wild that when the mourners wake up the next day they wish they were dead as well?
Glam Funeral
Let’s look at the options and the musical accompaniments:
To acknowledge the loss
Very much traditional as described in the introduction. Maybe after the funeral march a bit of Joy Division – “When will it end when will it end.”  That should have the handkerchiefs moistened nicely.

To set the record straight
It may not be a surprise to discover that the most popular song to be played at funerals is ‘My Way’, but what are people’s motivation for this?  Very questionable in my opinion.  Every life has its twists and turns and not every choice we make is to be appreciated by all those around us.  Take Hitler for example, even the most fair minded observer would have to admit that some of his choices were unwise.  That’s not to say that most of us get things that wrong, but mourners could probably give an example of when the corpse had done it their way and it was a disaster.  Still the congregation have to suffer the voice from the grave saying “the record shows it took the blows and did it my way”.   Yes, you did, you arrogant, selfish, violent, cheap, stupid creep and we would forgive you for all these things if you would only stop trying to justify yourself.

To celebrate
This is not a new phenomena; from Vikings burning boats to the one minute’s applause at a football match, the idea of the funeral as celebration is common-place.  However, at a funeral there is a corpse lying in the corner of the room. Would this not make anyone feel uncomfortable? What if the corpse was a 18 year old who died in a tragic motorcycle accident? Is this the time we want to hear Russ Abbot sing ‘Atmosphere’ (“…love a party with a happy…”). Don’t we have a right, nay duty, to be sad at such a time?

To put a single life in perspective against the weight of human suffering
Perspective is a great tool for helping us to deal with personal loss.  You may have lost a loved one, but considering the poverty and disease that much of the world lives with every day, and the conflict ravaged places where death is a constant reality, maybe you should count your blessings.  So, to get the congregation to set this funeral event in context, may I recommend this:

To get people finally to listen to music you like
Look, there are lots of choices you could make to get the right atmosphere at your funeral to help people deal with you not being there anymore, and the music will, crucially, set the scene.  However, consider a further point.  You may, like me, have spent much of your life bombarding people with music you like only to be ignored by people who don’t share your taste (let’s call them ignorant and stupid). Well, here you have a window of opportunity where people have to sit quietly and listen to whatever songs you you choose.  It’s your final mix tape.  Are you going to blow this chance to get all your friends and relatives to appreciate that Swedish gothic indie band you have been into for years, but no-one else understands?  Thought not! Mourn on grievers!

The trust the wizards funeral vault
We are all of course in grave danger.  We never know when our time is up and you can’t always plan ahead.  Imagine being in the coffin and hearing the minister calling the mourners to have some moments to reflect and hearing Robbie Williams ‘Angels’ being played.  Let’s face it,  a fate worse than death!  We can help you guard against this tragedy. Send your funeral songs to us and we will put them in our vault to be released on your death.  Simply insert a simple clause in your will and the song will be released at the appropriate moment.
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Remember use the Trust The Wizards Funeral Vault to avoid a Fate Worse Than Death!
The Vault is Now open and have a look at its contents in the Spotify Playlist Below!

Podcast 13b: Luke Haines v The Duckworth Lewis Method album review

Are they concept albums, comedy albums, rock operas, musicals or any good?

Is The Duckworth Lewis Method album really about cricket?

Are there any more Rock and Roll Animals inhabiting Magic Town?

All these questions and more are stewed over by the Wizards on this album review mini-podcast.

Luke Hains

Featuring the Luke Haines album “Rock and Roll Animals” and The Duckworth Lewis Method’s “Sticky Wickets”

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Click here to hear if The DLM’s straight bat gets out-foxed by Mr Haines. [Haines bowling tricky leg-cutters no doubt – TTW Ed.]

If that was too subtle for you, click on this link Mini Pod Link or point your mouse at the link, right click and click ‘save as’ to download.

Popcorn Double Feature – The Who / Grateful Dead

Ahoy! Ahoy!

Here are a couple of stonewall classics, but what is the connection?

Kicker’s Monthly Mix – September 2013

So that was the summer, then. Now it’s back to school and the football season…

end

… but fear not!!

Here’s a whole load of songs to keep your spirits, if not your teams, up. Yes, here is the fiftieth KOE mix the wizards have been presented with.

fiftieth

And you, lucky listener, can enjoy it in part below thanks to our friends at Spotify.

This month we kick off, ahem, with the requisite Robert Pollard related track. This time we find the Fading Captain performing under the name Indian Alarm Clock, and why not, One of 100 essential tracks on the first Suitcase collection released in 2000, it is the anthemic Pantherz. Take yer teeth out! Going even further back we follow that with Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band with their debut single – a version of Bo Diddley’s classic Diddy Wah Diddy. Is it laughable to suggest Mr Van Vlet’s version is by far the superior?

beefheart

Next up, it’s time for some Belgian psych-rock. Of course, Belgian psych-rock. [In fact it’s French psych all the way from Rennes – TTW Ed.] It’s Sudden Death Of Stars with a track (and some excellent pluralisation) from their latest album on Ample Play Records http://ampleplay.tumblr.com/ (a label set up and run by faves of the pod, Cornershop). After them it’s a single on Rough Trade (cool!) from British Sea Power before we get some gonzoid-surf from those mad Australians, Hoodoo Gurus.

hoodoos

Bringing us right up to date, it’s the unpigeonholeable Sheffield band, Screaming Maldini (I have written to the band to point out they should really be called Screaming Tardelli, but, surprisingly, they haven’t responded.)

tardelli

Next, it’s Liverpool’s Clinic (a band that splits opinion with the wizards), but from a time before they started wearing their face masks – here on the first Pure Morning single, which is, frankly, brilliant.  A jump across continents next to pick up on the current Brazilian music scene with the oddball Graveola and then it’s back to the 90s with the magnificent Sloan (A real favourite with the spelling pedants, this one.). More psychedelica follows with The Blank Tapes and a song taken from the free (if you’re too mean to donate) Active Listener compilation: http://theactivelistener.bandcamp.com/

activ

Lee Hazlewood (a particular Garbanzo favourite) pops up next with his own version of So Long, Babe from a collection called The Very Special World Of Lee Hazlewood that I picked up on pristine vinyl from the Oxfam on Smithdown Road in Liverpool for a couple of well spent quid this month. Moustachetastic!

hazelwood

More http://www.ilovealcopop.co.uk/ bang and crash next as we learn about the dubious hygiene regimen of Doctrines (on purple vinyl, natch) then some Dancehall magic from Wayne Smith before the very strange and very lovely Amanda Palmer sings about this bunch of chancers. Sort of.

lufc

A bit of 90s indie from The Non-Commissioned Officers takes us up to one of my favourite songs from that decade, Capital Letters, from the one-drummer-is-not-enough kings, Ned’s Atomic Dustbin. The pace then slows for a new one from Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy accompanied here by Dawn McCarthy and then another great song from the Active Listener comp this time from that cheery lot, The Magnetic Mind.

magnetic mind

The last three songs start with a classic from Suicide before Darren Hayman sneaks his way on to yet another KOE mix with his cinematic rumination with A Little Orchestra. Then, to close, there is still time for a little bit more Robert Pollard with an oft-overlooked gem from the fantastic double album From A Compound Eye.

world cafe

Here is the full track listing (and the links to the many tracks not available on Spotify – poor show):

1. Pantherz – Indian Alarm Clock

2. Diddy Wah Diddy – Captain Beefheart & The Magic Band http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9XcdG_sXZjA (What a fantastic video!!)

3. Supernovae – Sudden Death Of Stars

4. Childhood Memories – British Sea Power http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IE-AjSSm4cA

5. Mars Needs Guitars – Hoodoo Gurus http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mpwK1_Cvmu8

6. Minor Alterations – Screaming Maldini

7. I Don’t Want You Around – Pure Morning http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RlmhZo0jD7Y

8. Lindo Toque – Graveola

9. Underwhelmed – Sloan

10. Double Rainbow – The Blank Tapes

11. So Long, Babe – Lee Hazlewood (Here’s the Nancy Sinatra version http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eGTiu29HaHQ – get yerself down to a charity shop sharpish for the, better, Lee version ‘cos it’s not on YouTube.)

12. Perpetual Motion Machine – Doctrines

13. Under Me Sleng Teng – Wayne Smith

14. Leeds United – Amanda Palmer

15. Just North – The Non-Commissioned Officers http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mysvs12ZZHs

16. Capital Letters – Ned’s Atomic Dustbin

17. Just What I Was Looking For – Dawn McCarthy & Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy (Here’s a live version http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3n8pEv4moak but check out the superior duet on the What The Brothers Sang LP, which you should pick up from an independent record shop like this one: http://www.normanrecords.com/records/138607-dawn-mccarthy-what-the )

18. Stay Away From The Door – The Magnetic Mind https://soundcloud.com/themagneticmind/stay-away-from-the-door

19. Ghost Rider – Suicide

20. The Permanent Way – A Little Orchestra http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fP0m60CEJ9w

21. A Boy In Motion – Robert Pollard http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxVHEiE_Yvg

Every Moment Blurred

And just because it’s the 50th monthly mix, this month we have a real prize on offer.

prizes

The first 5 listeners who contact us on our Facebook Page telling us which song from this month’s mix they like best will receive a full CD version of this mix and one other by choosing a number between 1 & 49. Yes, really.

See you next month!!

Previous Monthly Mixes

August

July

Popcorn Double Feature – Tindersticks / Otis Redding

Buenos dias! Two 24 carat gems for you this week.

As usual, the challenge is to tell us the link between them.

Popcorn Double Feature – The Communards / Buffalo Springfield

It’s that time of week when the Wizards give you 2 great music videos.
All we ask in return is that you try and work out what the link is between them.
Good luck!


So what are the best songs with shared titles?

Listening to “Shut Up” by Savages on my fellow wizard Kicker’s Monthly Mix for August, I started to think about one of my favourite Madness songs which shares the same title. I can even play the intro on the piano which shows all that time I spent as a youngster practising chromatic scales wasn’t completely wasted!

Altogether now… ONE! TWO! THREE! What a classic!

I started to think about other songs called “Shut Up” but all I could think of was that one by The Black Eyed Peas and that doesn’t count because it’s shit.

So I started to wonder what is the best shared song title? A quick search on Google told me that the most common song title to feature in the US Billboard charts is “Hold On”. But off the top of my head, I could only think of 2 “Hold On” songs, one by Tom Waits and Wilson Phillips, the band made from the DNA of unfortunate Californian drug casualties.

Tom Waits Hold OnWilson Phillips Hold On

After pondering this issue for a whole fortnight I’ve come to the conclusion that if you want to write a really great song, you should call it “I Want You”. By my reckoning, there are 5 absolute belters with that title. Click on the name to see a video.

All great songs yes. But, as Harry Hill would say, which is best? There’s only one way to find out. VOTE!!

By the way, The Godfathers are about to go on tour and they’re well worth catching live, details here.

You’ll notice The Beatles are absent from that list because their song is actually called “I Want You (She’s So Heavy)” so that doesn’t count. You’ve got to have strict rules for this kind of thing.

But wait, that’s not all. Maybe you can think of a different song title that can compete with or even beat “I Want You”. Can you find another title that has 5 really good songs? Let us know what you find.

Popcorn Double Feature – Pixies / The Wedding Present

It’s that time of week again. Time for you to put on your thinking caps and try and fathom out what is the connection between these 2 magnificent videos.

We think it’s quite an easy one this week.

Scott & Charlene’s Wedding Live Review

Chorizo Garbanzo and Kicker Of Elves make it to The Shipping Forecast in Liverpool without the fuel compromised Rebel Rikkit. They get to see 3 local bands before the magnificent Scott & Charlene’s Wedding storm the place.
The Shipping Forecast

The Shipping Forecast

Have a listen to their pre- and post-gig thoughts about young people’s footwear and their delight at seeing a guitar played with an iPhone right here.
First Up: the artist who may or may not go by the name of G.L.U.M.
G.L.U.M still
Followed By: When We’re West!
When We're West

When We’re West

The evening is building and who should appear?  It’s Mean Jean!

Mean Jean

Mean Jean

And then the Main Event: Scott & Charlene’s Wedding!!

Craig Dermody

Craig Dermody

Popcorn Double Feature – Patti Smith / David Byrne & Rufus Wainwright

A couple of legends for you this week. They’re both veterans of the mid 70s New York CBGBs scene but that’s not the link. Get in touch if you can work out what is.

 

 

Chorizo’s top 50 Manic Street Preachers songs

The blog  site New Chart Riot are currently collating votes for a “top 50 Manic Street Preachers” song so I thought I’d join in with the fun.

As can be seen from one of our past polls, the Manic Street Preachers are a band that split opinion amongst the Wizards. I love em but Kicker can’t stand em and Rebel is somewhere between those 2 extremes.

Oi Kicker! Come here and say that!

“Oi Kicker! Come here and say that!”

Kicker’s chief complaint about the Manics seems to be that the lyrics don’t fit with the music and you can hear me making a pretty ham-fisted attempt to explain why that doesn’t matter on podcast 12.

One other thing that Kicker objects to is James Dean Bradfield’s voice. He’s not alone in that, Mrs Garbanzo has asked me many times “why is he always shouting?”

Personally, I really like the way he sings but if you don’t then fair enough. I’m not going to argue with you. Over the years, in answer to the dreaded “what kind of music are you into?” question, I’ve responded with Elvis Costello, Bob Dylan, Morrissey and more often than not, the reply comes back, “Really?? I can’t stand his voice.”

Like James Dean Bradfield, all those singers have distinctive and idiosyncratic singing voices so if you can’t get past the fact that you find the voice irritating then I’m not going to try to convince you you’re wrong. Even though you most definitely are!

Anyway, here’s my top 50 in reverse order with a bit of nerdy data analysis at the bottom. For each song, I’ve put my favourite bit in brackets. Also have a listen to the Spotify playlist below.

Stay beautiful!!

50. Die in the Summertime [when the guitar makes an “ah WOOO!” about 14 seconds in]

49. The Convalescent [the distorted organ sound in the verses, very ? and The Mysterians]

48. Empty Souls [JDB’s falsetto vocal on the “falling down” bit]

47. Golden Platitudes [the last minute with the “la la la”s, the Manics do singalong anthems very well]

46. Donkeys [guitar solo, starts off simple then it goes the full Brian May (in a good way, if that’s possible?)]

45. She Bathed Herself In a Bath of Bleach [nice distorted bass guitar]

44. Solitude Sometimes Is [opening line: “solitude sometimes is the place that I would like to live”]

43. There By The Grace Of God [another anthemic chorus]

42. All Is Vanity [“it’s a fact of life, sunshine”. Richey Edwards throwing mundane everyday phrases in]

41. This Is Yesterday [great guitar riff in verses, reminds me of Venus by Television. Most accessible song on Holy Bible?]

40. A Billion Balconies Facing The Sun [wonderful lyric, could be about obsession with internet / social media?]

39. Born A Girl [the electric guitar picking on the verses and the brilliant lyrics straight out of the “How to write songs like Kurt Cobain” handbook]

38. We Were Never Told [simple but brilliant song from the “This is the Day” single, James in acoustic mode]

37. Pretension / Repulsion [the lyrics about the odalisque by Ingres, famous painting of a nude with a few extra vertebrae]

36. Mausoleum [the bit that starts with “regained your self-control”. How on earth did they come up with that?]

35. Nostalgic Pushead [industrial snare sound, very metallic]

34. Postcards From A Young Man [another big anthem, love the repeated “This world will not impose its will, I will not give up and I will not give in” at the end]

33. Facing Page: Top Left [James in acoustic mode again, another Richey Edwards lyric where you just have to take your hat off to James for being able to make it into something singable]

32. From Despair To Where [that lead guitar part on the chorus]

31. Small Black Flowers That Grow in the Sky [see 33 above]

30. Some Kind of Nothingness [gospel choir on the last chorus]

29. The Masses Against The Classes [the Mick Jones-esque guitar solo, but also “a slave begins by demanding justice and ends by wanting to wear a crown”. That’s a quote from Albert Camus apparently but to me it’s a twist on The Clash’s “he who fucks nuns will later join the church”]

28. You Love Us [just the sheer big brass balls of the whole thing]

27. R.P. McMurphy [how can you not love a song named after Jack Nicholson’s anti-hero character from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest that has a chorus that goes “Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na, No more pills and no more drugs”]

26. Archives of Pain [passionate lyric that I’m not sure I agree with but it’s argued powerfully and forcefully]

Halfway through the countdown. That calls for a celebratory scissor kick!

Halfway through the countdown. That calls for a celebratory scissor kick!

25. Automatik Technicolour [the verses are more New Order than New Order!]

24. Let Robeson Sing [“Can anyone make a difference anymore? Can anyone write a protest song?” Touching salute to someone who could.]

23. Roses In The Hospital [the wah wah guitars, the Madchester beats and “we don’t want your fucking love!”]

22. Removeables [everything is “all removeables, all transitory”]

21. Of Walking Abortion [the repeated “Who’s responsible? You fucking are!” at the end]

20. Dead Passive [having a pop Kate & Johnny, Adam & Naomi, Michael & Helena, Hugh & Elizabeth at the height of the Britpop “isn’t everything marvellous?” faux-love-in]

19. Rendition [the guitar/drums thing that starts and ends the song, Manics back in post-punk mode]

18. Your Love Alone Is Not Enough [Yay! It’s Nina fucking Persson!!]

17. William’s Last Words [Nicky’s beautiful vulnerable singing, heartbreaking. “Wish me some luck as you wave goodbye to me”]

16. Glasnost [the Stuart Adamson style guitars]

15. You Stole The Sun From My Heart [another big anthemic chorus here, coupled with more reflective verse and simple but memorable guitar riff]

14. La Tristessa Durera (Scream to a Sigh) [the song of an embittered and impoverished old war veteran, “wheeled out once a year, a cenotaph souvenir”. Sold his medals only to see them treated as fashion accessories. “I sold my medal, it paid a bill, it sells at market stalls, parades Milan catwalks”]

13. Jackie Collins Existential Question Time [brilliant opening riff straight out of the John McGeoch school and chorus that asks “oh Mummy, what’s a Sex Pistol?”]

12. Yes [the whole goddamn lyric, amazing!]

11. The Future Has Been Here 4 Ever [the Brown Sugar influenced guitar riff and the brass bits just before the chorus]

10. Kevin Carter [the trumpet solo]

9. Me And Stephen Hawking [amazing playing from all the band on this one. I for one don’t have a bleeding clue what Richey’s on about here but he mentions Giant Haystacks, Stephen Hawking and he might be talking about cloning or genetically-modified food. There’s another joke here (kind of): “we missed the sex revolution when we failed the physical”. Hyuk hyuk!] 

8. No Surface All Feeling [the drums in the whole song and especially the end]

7. Motorcycle Emptiness [“sorrow, sorrow, sorrow”]

6. A Design For Life [strings at the end of the instrumental break just before the vocals come in]

5. 4st 7lbs [all the lyrics in the slower 2nd half of the song, wow! And after all that, he ends with a joke: “I’ve finally come to understand life through staring blankly at my navel”]

4. Autumnsong [the massed backing vocals as it goes into the chorus, “done to your hair, done to your hair…” A song that says dress and look how you like and screw what anyone else thinks!]

3. Faster [anthem for the auto-didactic, “a truth that washes, that learnt how to spell.” The guitar bit on the “so damn easy to cave in, man kills everything” at the end]

2. My Little Empire [just everything]

1. Little Baby Nothing [“we are the useless sluts that you mould”. I’d never heard anything quite like this in 1991 and not heard much like it since!]

So there you have it. A quick totting up of the songs shows that The Holy Bible and Journal For Plague Lovers are definitely the most popular, the last album had some really good songs on it and Gold Against The Soul is better than Generation Terrorists. All author’s own opinions though, it’ll be interesting to see how much the final votes from New Chart Riot correspond with mine.

Manics graph

If you tolerate this, then a pie chart will be next

Lastly, I just wanted to mention how it’s great to see a contemporary band who have put out so many great “non-album” tracks, rather than just alternative versions.

There were 2 non-album singles in my top 50 (Masses Against The Classes & There By The Grace Of God) and 5 non-album b-sides. When choosing the songs for the top 50, there were loads of non-album b-sides that just missed the cut so just in case you’ve never heard them, check out Close My Eyes, Unstoppable Salvation, Black Holes for the Young, No-one Knows What It’s Like To Be Me, Happy Ending, Mr Carbohydrate, Comfort Comes, Welcome To The Dead Zone, Just A Kid, Askew Road and Fearless Punk Ballad.

And to finish here are my 2 favourite Manics covers.

  • Tell us your favourite Manic Street Preachers songs by leaving a comment below.
  • Or if you really don’t like them, then tell us your favourite songs by some other band instead

our song for the new Championship season

Today is the start of the new football season and for the first time in many years, the Wizards’ chosen teams are all playing in the same division. So that’s Bolton (Rebel’s team), Leeds (Kicker’s team) and QPR (Chorizo’s team)

Bolton-WanderersLeeds  qpr

So we want to say best of luck to all 3 of those clubs this season and also give a big shout out to all our fellow supporters / sufferers.

We’ve chosen this as our song for the new season, a song that reflects the curious mix of optimism and pessimism here at Wizards HQ.

Podcast number 13

The Wizards are back with a new podcast to download right here.

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At last Sheffield gets its own Rock Song, Minnie Driver gets a Wizard response, Krautrock gets fisted and Van the Man gets hurled into the mystic.  Yes, it’s the Trust The Wizards Podcast –  two and a half hours of music mayhem and mirth.

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Kicker’s Monthly Mix – August 2013

Well, it’s that time again. Time for white rabbits, punches on the arm and for a new monthly mix. Not necessarily in that order.

white rabbit

This month we have another eclectic selection of tracks that have crossed my musical radar over the past 4 weeks, which includes some new releases as well as some old favourites.

We kick off with a very unlikely Lloyd Cole track from his ambient electronic album with composer Hans-Joachim Roedelius and then Trust The Wizards’ live favourites Lambchop inform us they have the drugs we’re looking for.

lambchop

More drug tales from the new one from Steve Earle follows before a classic from The Lines. Then Stephin Merrit, under the guise of the Future Bible Heroes, gives all us parents some sage advice and then we move on to another post punk classic this time from The Loft.

the loft

Wendy Rene is next with a Stax standard recently re-released on Light In The Attic Records and then new sensation Savages ask us to button it. Sheffield crooner, Richard Hawley follows and then it’s fellow Yorkshireman, Nathaniel Green, with a song released on the wonderful Alcopop! label back in the day (their fourth release, in fact).

alcopop

Time then for some Electrophonic Tonic from the legendary Michigan rock and roll group, Sonic’s Rendezvous Band, featuring Scott Morgan, who, it is sad to relay, is currently seriously ill and facing huge medical bills. (See here http://sonicsrendezvousband.net/news.html for more details).

There’s more post-punk wonder from Wire before we get a new one from current chart smashers (this may not strictly speaking be true) Jagwar Ma. It is cracking track, mind, chart bound or not.

Then we finish with a couple of Ohioan legends. First up, The Breeders with a hugely underrated non-LP track and then Bob Pollard’s Circus Devils close proceedings with a track that has resurfaced on the soundtrack to perhaps the weirdest film you are ever likely to see, I Razor. Spooky.

i razor

Enjoy all these songs below:

This is the full track listing for KOE049:

1. Pastoral – Lloyd Cole & Hans-Joachim Roedelius

2. So, I Hear You’re Moving – Lambchop

3. Calico Country – Steve Earle & The Dukes (& Duchesses)

4. Nerve Pylon – The Lines

5. Keep Your Children In A Coma – Future Bible Heroes

6. Viet Cong Motivation – Digging Up Virgins (not on YouTube, but available here http://hibernatorgigs.bandcamp.com/album/songs-in-the-key-of-bob)

7. Who Buries The Undertaker? – Robert Pollard  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DVhZLvyDuk

8. Up The Hill And Down The Slope – The Loft

9. After Laughter (Comes Tears) – Wendy Rene

10. Adventures In The Dark Arts Of Watermelonery – The Saints  (I can’t find this anywhere online, but it’s off their new album King Of The Sun – the first Chris Bailey has released under the band name since 2006 – and well worth getting yer lugs round.)

11. Shut Up – Savages

12. Don’t Stare At The Sun – Richard Hawley

13. Old Folks/Young Folks – Nathaniel Green

14. Electrophonic Tonic – Sonic’s Rendezvous Band

15. You Don’t Fade – Daughn Gibson http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpIY84A-75Y

16. Ex Lion Tamer – Wire

17. Amarillo Highway – Terry Allen http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DIZ-HimfmXk

18. Let Her Go – Jagwar Ma

19. Safari – The Breeders

20. All The Good Ones Are Gone – Circus Devils

Again, there are a handful of tracks that are not currently available on Spotify, which I would urge you to check out and have linked to YouTube where possible.

Grace Light Of Aerial Forgiveness

Happy listening!! See you next month for another ragbag of aural delights.

Previous Monthly Mixes

Kicker’s Monthly Mix – July 2013 (now with added Chorizo Garbanzo review!)

Elvis Costello gig memories – Part 3: 1995 to 2001

This is my 3rd blog post of Elvis Costello gig memories, you can read part 1 right here and part 2 here.

Supporting Bob Dylan, Brixton Academy, London, 31st March 1995

Don’t think it was well publicised that Elvis was going to be the support act here but a mate who worked at the venue tipped me off about it. Just like most support acts, most of the crowd weren’t that interested and were just talking which is number 1 on the list of the 3 worst things you can do at a gig.

  1. talking
  2. filming on your tiny phone
  3. being taller than me

Despite all the talking, I really enjoyed this gig. I loved hearing a mix of new songs (from All This Useless Beauty) and a few older favourites.

I was standing downstairs near the front for Elvis but when Dylan came on, I decided to get a seat on the balcony upstairs. At the end of Dylan’s set, Elvis came back on with Chrissie Hynde and Carole King to sing “I Shall Be Released.” Can’t find any footage of that but here’s a clip from the night before.

A lot’s been said over the years about the pros and cons of Bob Dylan live but I’ve got to say at these Brixton shows, he played a strong setlist and was in pretty good voice. Having said that, I’ve seen him 2 more times since and both times were rubbish!

Kiss my arse for a backstage pass!

Kiss my arse for a backstage pass

Shepherds Bush Empire, London, 17th May 1995

Elvis’ second album of covers, Kojak Variety, was released on this day so this show was being broadcast live on radio in the USA to promote the album. Consequently, ticket prices were low and Elvis just played the album straight through. Well, not quite, he played a solo version of Girl’s Talk at the start and encored with Alison & Pump It Up but apart from that it was just the new album. I got in for nothing thanks to the aforementioned girlfriend that worked in the box office but my mate Pompey Mike came with me to this gig and left feeling pretty shortchanged and vowing not to bother spending his money on Elvis gigs anymore! The Attractions were joined by 2 guitar legends, Marc Ribot and James Burton but even so I’ve got to admit it was a bit dull.

Elvis Costello Shepherds Bush Empire 17th May 1995 Kojak Variety

Another from my ticket collection. Exciting stuff eh.

Shepherds Bush Empire, London, July 1996

Once again, Elvis played 4 consecutive Fridays at my local venue and these shows were even better than the “residency” there in 1994 (see part 2)

I think I went to all 4 gigs, not sure though, memory’s  a bit hazy. But I definitely remember that the last gig was the best. There was a fantastic support slot from Ron Sexsmith and just look at that setlist! This was the first time I’d heard one of my all-time favourites “Human Hands” played live. (It’s also Harry Enfield’s favourite Costello song by the way)

A big highlight of each show was when Bruce and Pete Thomas went off to leave Elvis to play a few songs with just Steve Nieve (more of that to come at the next gig…)

Elvis Costello Shepherds Bush Empire July 1996

The best of the 4 nights

Royal Albert Hall, London,  15th April 1999

I was gutted to miss the the gig Elvis and Burt Bacharach did together in October 1998 but I was out of the country at the time.

Another from my ticket collection.  The long winter evenings just fly by round here.

Another from my ticket collection.
The long winter evenings just fly by round here.

The following year I was back at the Albert Hall (but with a decent seat this time) to see Elvis and Steve play an absolute blinder. Plenty of the Bacharach songs got an airing and in the last song (Couldn’t Call It Unexpected), Elvis did that old Tony Bennett trick of singing with no mike. Loved that trick then and still love it when he does it now. Here’s a 2003 version.

Meltdown Festival, Royal Festival Hall, London,  26th June 2001

In 2001, Robert Wyatt was curating the “Meltdown Festival” on London’s South Bank which Elvis himself had curated a few years before. I bought tickets and went along not really knowing what to expect. There’d been no new album since “Painted From Memory” 3 years earlier but he’d had a big hand in making an album called “For the Stars” with the opera singer Anne Sofie von Otter and I’d also heard a bootleg of a new song that I really liked called “Alibi Factory”. As you can see from the ticket, the gig had been billed as “Elvis Costello & Steve Nieve” but it didn’t really pan out like that.

First sighting of The Imposters

The South Bank Show

The show opened with some inspired poetry and songs from the great genius Ivor Cutler and his trusty harmonium. We miss you Ivor!

Most of the gig was just Elvis solo, sometimes with his beatboxing drum machine. He played a few new ones, including that “Alibi Factory” one. He also played some songs he doesn’t play live very much (The Great Unknown, My Dark Life) so it was a bit of a treat for geeky trainspotter fans like myself.  I remember that Steve Nieve would come on for a couple of songs and then disappear for a bit before coming back on again. The same applied to the Brodsky Quartet who did a wonderful version of “Pills and Soap” as well as a few Juliet Letters songs. Then in the encores he got the full band on. It was great to see Pete Thomas again (greatest drummer in the world anyone?)

But wait a minute, who’s that playing bass? That ain’t Bruce! It’s not Nick Lowe either! These days Davey Farragher is a familiar and much-loved face to Costellophiles but at the time nobody knew who he was. We didn’t know it then but this was the first ever appearance of The Imposters. History in the making!

Davey Farragher

Introducing Davey Farragher!

All in all, the gig was a bit disjointed with so many people going on and off. Still really enjoyable for Elvis followers like me but probably a bit confusing if you’d just come along to see him play “the hits”

With hindsight, I can see that Elvis himself was in a bit of a transition period at this time, moving from the orchestras and collaborations back towards experimentation with drum machines and having a band behind him again. All of that came to fruition very well on the “When I Was Cruel” album and tour which you can read about in the next part of my Elvis gig memories (coming soon!)

Elvis Costello gig memories – Part 2: 1992 to 1994

This is my 2nd blog post of Elvis Costello gig memories, you can read part 1 right here.

I didn’t see Elvis live in 92 or 93. The only London gigs he played were with the Brodsky Quartet and they were usually pretty expensive so I gave them a miss.

But there was no way I was going to miss seeing Elvis play with his next selected collaborators, he only went and got the old band back together again!!

Glastonbury Festival, 25th June 1994

My first encounter with the reformed Attractions was a headline appearance on Saturday night on the main stage at Glastonbury. Compared to 1989 when Elvis has last played, the festival had grown even bigger with even more stages. I liked to spend a lot of time studying my little timetable booklet very hard and working out a plan for exactly who I was going to watch on what stage at what time. But I also wanted to be near the front for Elvis so I made the unusual decision to stay in one place and watch 4 bands in a row on the main stage. So before Elvis came on, I watched Galliano followed by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds followed by Paul Weller. Nick Cave is probably the only one of those 3 I would’ve chosen to watch back then but all 3 of those acts were absolutely brilliant and I look back now on that Saturday session as one of my most treasured Glastonbury memories.


I remember that they started with “No Action” which has got to be one of the best album/gig openers ever! The Attractions played a lot of songs from the first album they played on (This Year’s Model) and the newest at that time (Brutal Youth).

Being so close to the front I would definitely have got my ugly mug on the telly because this was the first year that Glastonbury had been broadcast. But Elvis refused to let Channel 4 show his performance. He told the sun-baked crowd that he believed that if you want to come to Glastonbury, you’ve got to be prepared to get the sun on your head and the mud on your shoes, not just sit watching it from your armchair. A noble sentiment for sure, but the rumour was that the real reason he’d denied access to the TV cameras was because they’d refused to pay extra for the privilege.

Haven’t been back to Glastonbury since I spent 2 very muddy weekends there in 1997 & 1998 which I still occasionally have horrific flashbacks to. Don’t know if they still do this, but back in those days there used to be a stall near the Acoustic Stage that sold bootleg tapes of the gigs you’d just watched. I remember buying tapes of the Costello gig and also Johnny Cash who played on the Sunday. Those tapes are both long gone now unfortunately but thankfully some kind soul has uploaded the JC gig to Youtube.

Royal Albert Hall, London, 6th July 1994

Just a couple of weeks later but we had crap seats for this, way up in the gods and I don’t remember much about this gig. I do remember Steve Nieve playing “Favourite Hour” on the organ which was REALLY loud. (I notice he played it again on this year’s tour, good on yer Steve)

Elvis Costello Albert Hall poster

Shepherds Bush Empire, November 1994

When it was announced that Elvis was going to play 4 consecutive Friday nights at the newly-reopened Empire, there can’t have been many people more excited than me! In 1994, I lived about 3 minutes walk from the Empire, drank most nights in the pub next door and I was going out with a girl who worked there which meant free tickets and access to after hours boozing.

I went all 4 nights and loved every minute of it. Chris Difford & Glenn Tilbrook turned up to support bringing along their acoustics and their superb collection of singalong hits. Over the 4 nights, Elvis & The Attractions played “the hits” and all of Brutal Youth but other than that they shook up the setlists quite a bit. I remember they played some stuff I didn’t know (songs that were later released All This Useless Beauty) and they even played a few from the much-maligned but actually quite good “Now Ain’t The Time For Your Tears” album by Wendy James. I stopped short of buying that album at the time but I remember I borrowed the CD from Chiswick Library and taped it. I was the very first person to borrow it. About 18 months later, I’d lost the tape so I went to get the CD from Chiswick Library again and discovered that not a single other person had borrowed it since.

Anyway, listen to this and instead of dear old Wendy who, let’s face it, can’t actually sing very well, imagine Elvis singing it. It’s got a “Satellite” or “The Other End of the Telescope” kind of feel to it and I think it’s a bit of a lost gem.

Part 3 of my Elvis gig memories coming soon

Popcorn Double Feature – The Cardiacs / The White Stripes

Here we go again, 2 more videos for you to feast your ears upon. Get in touch if you know what the link is.


Latest update on our quest to find an official rock song for every county in the UK

Every County In The Country Will Have Its Own Rock Song

A few months ago, we launched a campaign to attempt to resuscitate the spirit of civic pride. After discovering that some states in the USA have their own official rock song, we decided it was about time the UK followed suit. The blog post explaining the reasons for the campaign can be found right here.

The whole thing has gone pretty well, although we’re slightly disappointed that we haven’t been inundated with inspirational tales of citizens taking to the streets singing and marching behind banners to show off their pride for their county. But we’re convinced it’s just a matter of time before that happens.

We have now exclusively revealed our selections for no less than 5 different counties (or cities) and these can be seen on the fullsize map here.
dxgz2xrLts

Is your county on there? If not, then what are you waiting for? Get up off your backsides and do your civic duty by sending us in your own nominations for your county. You can do that by leaving a comment under this blog post or through the usual channels (email, TwitFace etc)

You know it makes sense.

keep-calm-and-trust-the-wizards

Podcast number 12: The Swearing Special

Right then.

This podcast is a special wherein the Wizards investigate swearing in songs. There is a lot of bad languge in this one, including what Simon Bates would call “sexual swear words”! So if you’re a sensible grown-up you can download this filth right here. But don’t say we didn’t fucking warn you.

the filth and the fury

Where’s Bill Grundy Now?

Make sure you read our blog posts about who is the master lyrical swearer, the King of the Cuss…

(The other Wizard, Chorizo Garbanzo, puts the case for Shane MacGowan in the podcast above)

shane macgowan

Also check out Rebel’s blog post Profanity & Pop (A Personal Memoir)

What a fucking rotter.

Big favourite of the Wizards MJ Hibbett also nominated his favourite swearing song which we weren’t able to squeeze into the podcast. So have a listen here instead. All hail the King of Fuh!

Popcorn Double Feature – Half Man Half Biscuit / Manic Street Preachers

This week is “Swearing Week” on our website. Tomorrow we’ll be publishing our latest podcast, a swearing special. Both these bands get a mention in it and both these songs have the f-word in. But that’s not the connection between them, get in touch if you can tell us what is.

Ben Folds: The King of the Cuss

Ever since Chorizo Garbanzo drew our attention to the use of the swear words in podcast 11 we have been racking our brains to find The King of the Cuss,  The Viscount of the Vernacular or maybe A Figure Head for the Foul Mouthed. It’s the title everyone wants, but has to be earned over a lifetime of dedication to an ideal.  There can only be one King and that one has to have given the world more tuneful trash-tongued lyrics and hell-directed harmonies than anyone else. But, of course, done in the best possible taste!

Therefore people, it’s my pleasure to nominate Mr Ben Folds for his consistent and unflinching use of appallingly offensive language over 2 decades of tunesmithery.

The judges have helpfully set out a clear criteria for nominations and I am sure The Dishonourable Mr Folds amply satisfies all the requirements.  Surprisingly the only present nomination for the honor to become the King of the Cuss is Bob Pollard for his solo work and with the band Guided By Voices.  This can be found in the blog by wizard-in-chief, Mr Kicker Of Elves, here. What follows is a direct comparison with this potty mouthed artist as will be other nominations when submitted (although after the presentation below, this might not be required).

To understand the range of Ben’s sweary accomplishments, it is necessary to visit a site where all the lyrics to all his solo and band albums are listed (http://www.azlyrics.com/f/folds.html) and read the lot (some people might argue that this is a waste of time, not me).  After completing that task, the facts emerge.

Due to the researcher’s breath being taken away by the sheer venom of the language, these figures may be underestimated as in parts they had to avert their gaze.  Still a spectacular 39 fucks, 20 bitches, 16 shits, 10 asses,  6 bastards, 3 craps, 2 pisses and one each for dick, bullshit and the spectacularly offensive cunt. In all 99 disgusting foul mouthed utterances.  Well done that man!

This makes Bob Pollard’s paltry 84 look like he is a choir boy at the Vatican. [The Kicker blog counts the songs the swear words appear in, not the actual instances of the swear word itself. So, fuck you. – TTW Ed.]

Moreover, Bob’s profane assault has been spread over hundreds of albums, meanwhile Ben has stacked up his bounty of bile in a mere 9 studio albums.  I could have doubled this by including live and extended remixes, where Ben’s tendency to trash talk is at its truculent triumphant best.  In footballing terms I think we would be looking at a goal a game.

Do we need to call the jury to order? I think not. Even by mixing up the swearing genre, Bob cannot compete with the 10 completely different swearing derivatives that Mr Folds delivers. Many of the derivatives get a a Foldian flourish to encompass street language and a range of styles. Thus, motherfucker becomes muthafucka and so on… Other highlights on the innovative use of the gutter chat are “that’s some conversation for your ass” (Bitches Ain’t Shit – 2 swear words in one title note, kids).

Undoubtably, the most important criteria because let’s be honest bad language is not big and not clever unless it heightens a sense of emotional urgency, illuminates a sense of importance or makes us laugh.

Folds time and again brings his obscene diction to the party just when required. So to sum up the reason why so many relationships between men and women break up, he delivers a direct (and maybe slightly one sided) analysis by concluding “The Bitch Went Nutz”.  In Song For the Dumped, Ben’s jilted boyfriend exclaims in an insightfu,l if again a bit ungallant tirade, “give me my money back you bitch” (bit of an unfortunate trend developing here).

More moving is the touching scene of the son breaking the news to his father that he wants to join the army and his fathers moving response “you must be fucking high”.

The best use by far of any a swear word, in any song, ever, is the tale of the bullied and tortured youth who works to turn the tables on his childhood oppressors to be able to issue forth the declaration to them all “Kiss My Ass! Goodbye!

Goodbye indeed! Call the jury to order! The crown is yours! Arise Cussing King Ben!

See more wizard based analysis on the light and shade of the dark side of low rent lyrics here.

Podcast number 11

Hello again.

We’re back with podcast number 11.

Download it now to hear lots of great music interspersed with conversations on a variety of subjects ranging from the disgusting eating habits of Swedish people to UFO landings in South London and Muppetocide.

snus

Swedish people put these foul-tasting little teabags in their mouths.