Dear Wizards
I am aware that you showed your prejudice against myself and the rest of the Mermaid community on your last podcast.  Can I just tell you how hurt and upset I am by your thoughtless and ill informed views that do you and your podcast a disservice.  Also I want to tell you that you were wrong on every level.
You said that we don’t suffer from racist abuse.  This is untrue there are many other people with Mermaidisms like yours, unfortunately. Only the other day someone shouted “Get a job you Aquatic Harlot”. I was so upset I nearly dropped my mirror and brush and fell off my sea splashed rock.  It was very distressing and you you should be ashamed that you are adding your voices to this shameful chorus.
You said that we were a drain on society because we had to be carried around everywhere because we had no legs.  Well let me tell you that we can move faster than any human beings albeit only when we are in water.  However on dry land we can get around by using our arms and dragging our fish section behind us.  We don’t need human help.  However I have found that with the aid of a very basic shopping trolley and a helpful passerby I can make my way around most places I only need a bit of help getting in and out of the trolley and someone to push the trolley.  Is that too much to ask BRITAIN!
Lets talk about employment shall we.  There are many jobs mermaids can do but we are constantly overlooked just because we have to usually be carried into the building and kept moist all day.  Really we don’t mind if its only someone coming round every 20 minutes with a watering can to give us a sprinkle we are not unreasonable.  But no employers with their own Mermaid prejudices are not interested.
In case you are wondering I live in this country of course I won’t say where for fear of reprisals (but obviously its fairly close to the coast) but I do consider myself to be British (I even did the Mobot).
Its also ironic that you choose this time to victimise Mermaids when the government cuts are having such a devastating impact on the Mermaid community.  You probably don’t care but to live in the Human World we need to have a space for our salt water jacuzzi but now with the “Bedroom Tax” we will lose 14% of our Housing Benefit because Jacuzzi room is seen as an extra bedroom.  For gods sake its an essential live saving resource!! These people are monsters!
Obviously I am disgusted that you Wizards chose to join the anti Mermaid crusade. I didn’t ask to be born this way and you and the rest of society should accept us for what we are. Proud. Feminine. Well Groomed and Half Fish.  May I just also say that we are not ashamed despite your derision We Swim! We Comb! We Allure! and NO-ONE IS GOING TO STOP US!
Yours Sincerely
Bernice Splash’nComb

2 responses »

  1. kickerofelves1 says:

    Ha ha ha. I will be writing a response shortly.


  2. Dear Bernice

    I read with interest your attempt to glorify the position of mermaids in our society. What a load of Blabber and Smoke! Like Alice in Blunderland, I feel nothing but resentment towards you and your scaly kind. You say you feel hard done by, but notably fail to mention the way you mermaids behave with your mirrors and flowing locks in stealing our men away from us.

    My evidence? Well consider this exhibit A and case closed.

    Don’t come round here anymore with your White Jam or I’m Gonna Booglarize You Baby.

    Click clack.

    The Spotlight Kid (Miss)

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